I Was Right About That

The new 'conservative Daily Show' isn't funny.

"Not funny' is an understatement. I laugh at their pathetic attempts at humor. It's like the worst ever episode of 'Weekend Update'. It's so bad, I think they're using a laugh track.

Some might say my political biases are clouding my perception. I dare you, whatever your inclinations, to watch this show and tell me it's even mildly amusing.

St. Valentine's Day

Over the mountains
And over the waves,
Under the fountains
And under the graves,

Under floods that are deepest,
Which Neptune obey
Over rocks which are the steepest,
Love will find out the way.

Where there is no place
For the glow-worm to lie,
Where there is no space
For receipt of a fly.

Where the gnat dares not venture,
Lest herself fast she lay,
But if Love comes, he will enter,
And will find out the way.

You may esteem him
A child for his might,
Or you may deem him
A coward from his flight.

But if she, whom Love doth honor,
Be concealed from the day
Set a thousand guards upon her,
Love will find out the way.

Some think to lose him
By having him confined
Some do suppose him,
Poor thing, to be blind.

But if ne'er so close ye wall him,
Do the best that you may,
Blind Love, if so ye call him,
Will find out his way.

You may train the eagle
To stoop to your fist.
You may train the regal
Phoenix of the east.

The lioness, you may move her
To give o'er her prey;
But you'll ne'er stop a lover;
He will find out his way.

It used to be that Valentine's Day was celebrated by having young men and women put their names in a hat, draw them out at random, and enjoy the festivities with whomever they chose. Some traditions are too good to last.

Why Are Jews So Funny?

By the question, I don't mean to ask why so many Jews have become comedians, or why humor is important to Jewish life as a defense mechanism against millenia of oppression blah blah blah.

Rather, I should like to know why the mere presence of a Jewish character, or any reference to Judaism at all, is a cause for merriment. is it the Yiddish? Our enormous noses? The way we manipulate the media and entertainment industries to make us look harmless?

Think of a movie - almost any movie will do - and make the characters Jewish. Are you chuckling already? the laziest comic hack do it; i.e. 'Rocky' (Oy! Adrian!), 'The Godfather' (Make him an offer he can't refuse - half-price tickets to Florida) or 'Dirty Harry' (So go ahead and make my day, already).

My rabbi confessed ignorance of this matter herself, although she did not "Borat was funny, especially in his comically exaggerated prejudice against Jews. But would it have been as good if he had an irrational fear of Hindus or Buddhists or something? No, because Hindus and Buddhists aren't funny and Jews are, though I couldn't tell you why."

I remember in the long ago days of 'The Critic', starring Jon Lovitz, there was a fake promo for a movie starring Arnold Schwarzaneggar going undercover as a rabbi:

Mugger: [holding a gun] Eat lead, Rabbi.
Arnold: [pulls out a bigger gun] Sorry, that's not kosher.

Or, even more so, I remember some crappy sitcom in which the boss is wishing the office a Merry Christmas:

Boss: Merry Christmas, everyone! Oh, and happy Hanukkah to you, Persky.
Persky: Thank you, sir. [audience laughs]

Ha ha! That guy, he's a Jew! Instant comedy.

I recognize this is not an issue of great social import, but I am curious.

Surge This

While this has been much reported on elsewhere, I feel compelled to throw in my two cents on why Bush's 'surge' plan is a bad idea.

1. It does nothing to deal with the sectarian animosities among the various Iraqi militias.

2. It's been tried twice already, and produced no noticeable results.

3. It's focused entirely on Baghdad, doing nothing for the rest of the country.

4. Everyone - from the military brass to the American public to the Iraqi government to the Iraqi public - disapproves.

5. It sends the signal that the US is willing to stay in Iraq indefinitely.

6. It's weakened morale among American soldiers by extending their tours of duty.

7. If the insurgents we're targeting have any brains, they'll lie low for a little while, wait for the Americans to declare that the strategy is working, and come back in full force.

8. At heart, it's not a political solution - a change in tactics, not a change in strategy.

Have I forgotten anything?

Years ago, when I was young and full of niavete about our political system, the late Cheif Justice William Rehnquist was one of my favorite public figures.

Was this because of the depth of his legal scholarship? My respect for his tough-but-honest conservative judicial philosophy? Not at all. It was because Justice Rehnquist worse gold stripes on the sleeves of his robes, in homage to the character of the Lord High Chancellor from Iolanthe by Gilbert and Sullivan.

Now it seems the old fellow was not just endearingly eccentric, but often rather dangerously out of his mind:

Via the Washingotn Post

FBI files detail Rehnquist drug addiction

WASHINGTON (Reuters) - The late U.S. Chief Justice William Rehnquist was dependent on a powerful sedative during his first decade on the Supreme Court and became delusional when he stopped taking the drug in 1981, The Washington Post reported on Friday, citing newly released FBI files.

The fact that Rehnquist checked into a hospital for a week in late December 1981 to be treated for back pain and dependence on a prescription drug was previously known, the Post said.

The Post reported that the FBI concluded during its 1986 investigation that Rehnquist began taking the drug Placidyl for insomnia after back surgery in 1971 and was, by 1981, taking apparently three times the usual starting dose each night.

Doctors interviewed by the FBI told agents that when Rehnquist stopped taking the drug, he suffered paranoid delusions, including imagining "a CIA plot against him," the newspaper reported.

The FBI files also show that during both of Rehnquist's confirmation battles, the Justice Department asked the FBI to find out what witnesses lined up by Senate Democrats were prepared to say, the newspaper reported.

Then-assistant attorney general John Bolton, who recently stepped down as ambassador to the United Nations, approved enlisting the FBI and wrote that he "would accept responsibility should concerns be raised about the role of the FBI," the newspaper said.

Bolton told The Washington Post that there was no political bias in the investigation, because the request for the FBI to interview witnesses actually came from Senate Democrats.

I guess old Rehnny was alot more out there than his critics gave him credit for. Richard Nixon, however, knew something was up from the moment he met Rehnquist, who was at the time wearing a pink shirt and psychadelic tie, causing Nixon to label him a 'hippie'. Groovy.