"I Was Cold, and They Were Only Jews"

At last week's ceremony at Auschwitz, Dick Cheney stood out like a sore thumb among the mass of black-clad world leaders and Holocaust survivors by wearing a fluffy white parka:



Class.

He also looks etremely disturbing no matter what the context:




He looks like he's going to eat our children.

Social Secuirty... IN CRISIS!!!!!!

That's right, everybody. Social Security is in major trouble, and if we don't do something about it, the system will be bankrupt (by which we mean 'running at 3/4 capacity') by 2052. or even... 2042! I'm running out of exclamation points.

Of course, we could simply re-institute the taxes on the wealthy that Bush repealed, which would leave the system solvent until about the end of the human race, but that would be too easy.

George Will put it nicely: "Try to explain to a kid who can choose from 10,000 songs on his iPod why we shouldn't privatize social security." It's quite a challenge, especially as the two things are totally unrelated. But if there's anyone who understands the youth of America, it's George F. Will.

At Long Last

Whew. A combination of the holidays and tehcnical difficulties led to the long delay, but I'm back at last. Not that anyone actually reads this blog, but oh well. Here are some of the top stories I’ve missed:

1. WMD Search Team Goes Home

So it’s official now – there is absolutely no chance of us finding any kind of weapons of mass destruction in Iraq - neither nuclear, nor chemical, nor biological.

Apologies from the Administration, and from the conservative press? None.

2. Armstrong Williams the Whore

I wish Bush would pay me a quarter-million dollars to support one of his programs; but I suppose I didn’t have the one-in-a-million opportunity to be a black Republican.

3. The Inaugural Committee

So far they’ve managed to raise $40 million for champagne and balloons. Meanwhile, my impoverished hometown of Washington DC must shoulder all the security costs.

I suppose this counts as one of their more public ‘let-them-eat-cake’ moments, but it’s certainly not the first or the last.

4. Prince Harry the Nazi.

Personally I always felt a little sorry for Harry. He’s ‘the ugly one’ and he’ll never be king.

Worst come to worst, he’ll end up Scar to Prince William’s Mufasa.

5. Pinochet to Stand Trial

A bit of a person reference here: Peter Kornbluh, father of my good friend Gabe, has for a long time been the chief American authority on the Pinochet atrocities in Chile and the covert American support for his regime.

It was recently announced that the former dictator was fit to stand trial. Finally.

Now we only need to arrange warrants for Bush, Cheney, Rumsfeld, et al.

6. the Inauguration itself.

Lots of protests which weren't covered in the media, lots of non-existent Bush supporters who were, lots of women in fur coats and cowboy hats, and alot of cheap politicking in Bush's speech (freedom: 27, libery: 15).

Ayn Rand is a bitch

Watching The O'reilly Factor, as I sometimes do, and he had as a guest a certain Yaron Brook from the Ayn Rand Institute, who informed us that, in order to win the war in Iraq and defeat the insurgency, "What we need to do is kill more civilians. We should reduce their cities to dust. They think we're soft because we only go after the insurgents. We need to go after everyone, and kill the wounded too."

This was a little too much for even O'Reilly. "Wouldn't that make us Nazis?" he said, and still managed to be an ass while being reasonable.

But Mr. Brook was too quick for doddering old falafel-loving O'Reilly. "Oh no; we're the good guys."

That's comforting.

Zell on Earth

It's official; red-faced, duel-happy Georgia 'Democrat' Zell Miller is going to join FOX News as a commentator.

And do his commentary with what, SPIT-BALLS?!?!??

So... we'll have a right-wing nutjob Democrat to balance out all the right-wing nutjob Republicans and the right-wing nutjob Independents.

That's FOX in a goddamn nutshell right there.