Credo in Unum Deum

Filipinos love to get religious. And few places are churchier than the Basilica del Santo Nino in downtown Cebu:

Apparently it's the only basilica in Asia. What's the difference between a cathedral and a basilica, you ask? Moving on...



Santo Nino literally means 'holy child', and it's a reference to the baby Jesus, which is the patron saint of the Philippines. Now, I may not be an expert in Catholic theology, but it seems to me that Jesus would be the Messiah, not a saint, even if he is a baby. I suppose someone could be both a saint and the Messiah, but that just seems like overkill.

Still, it's a nice building:




And right behind it is a small hut containing a replica of Magellan's Cross, commemorating the place where Magellan landed in what is now Cebu City almost five hundred years ago (before being killed by the natives).


So, if you can dodge the water-sellers, icon-vendors, and nuns demanding alms, it's all very pleasant.

You're So Vain

Is every single public restroom in this country full of Filipino guys fixing their hair?

I guess it makes sense, given the climate of the city. You can leave your house clean and fresh, but five minutes in the heat and you'll become a sweaty, rumpled, red-faced mess - or, at least, I do. The locals bear up a bit better, because they're used to it. Still, good grooming is clearly a high priority around here.

And while we're talking about bathrooms, why is every public toilet in Cebu missing the lid of the seat? Are people stealing them for sale on the black market? Are people fighting with these toilets? I can deal with the lack of toilet paper - Vietnam prepared me for that - but not having a lid is going too far.

Half-Jeep, Half-Van, All Awesome

Cebu City has a problem common to many semi-tropical poverty-stricken cities: how to get around. In Cebu the government doesn't even want to spend the money on a bus system, much less a subway line, and it's too hot to walk anywhere. In Vietnam they have motorbikes. In Bangkok they built an elevated train system.

But the solution (at least in the Philippines) is jeepneys: converted half-jeep half-van contraptions which run along set routes (usually written on the side) Only seven pesos if the guy hanging precariously out the back is able to give you your change and not fall to his death at the same time.

Advantages: They're cheap and relatively reliable. They're also colorful, often painted with bright pop-culture themes. They'll also let you off pretty much wherever you want.

Disadvantages: they're rattly, bumpy, slow, and full of smog. Supposedly it's quite easy to get pickpoocketed in one, but so far that hasn't happened to me.

And, while we're talking about food...

The national fast-food chain of the Philippines is called Jolibee.It's symbol is, indeed, a jolly bee.

I don't really get the wisdom of choosing a bee. Aren't children afraid of bees? Though I suppose children are afraid of mice too.

Is it any good? Not really. But don't tell the Filipinos that. They're very proud of their own version of Macdonald's.

The one great advantage is that they sell fresh pineapple juice along with the usual soft drinks.

Getting Malled

If there's one thing Filipinos love, it's shopping malls. In this regard they almost rival New Jersey.

Even though the Philippines is a relatively poor country, the fact that they've been open to foreign corporations for so long (and they haven't had any of those pesky socialist revolutions) means that most chains available in the US are present here too.

By far the biggest are the Ayala Center and SM City, but there are literally dozens of smaller malls around the city, including E-mall, JY Square, Mango Square, ParkMall, and on and on. Many of them provide not just shops and restaurants but arcades, movie theaters, gyms, apartments, office space, conference rooms, schools, and the occasional car dealership.

In fact, the Filipinos love there malls so much, they practically try to live in them. Most now even offer Sunday Mass services in improbable locations.

I once joked to a Filipino friend of mine 'I guess the Filipino dream would be to live on a spaceship.@ He thought for a moment and replied 'Yes, but only if it has aircon''

But for me, they provide something even more important: air-conditioning and bookstores. The only real drawback is that these malls are often prowled by packs of transsexuals who are looking for ignorant foreigners to prey on. May lightning strike me if I'm kidding about that. Ask any foreigner who's been here.