Half-Jeep, Half-Van, All Awesome

Cebu City has a problem common to many semi-tropical poverty-stricken cities: how to get around. In Cebu the government doesn't even want to spend the money on a bus system, much less a subway line, and it's too hot to walk anywhere. In Vietnam they have motorbikes. In Bangkok they built an elevated train system.

But the solution (at least in the Philippines) is jeepneys: converted half-jeep half-van contraptions which run along set routes (usually written on the side) Only seven pesos if the guy hanging precariously out the back is able to give you your change and not fall to his death at the same time.

Advantages: They're cheap and relatively reliable. They're also colorful, often painted with bright pop-culture themes. They'll also let you off pretty much wherever you want.

Disadvantages: they're rattly, bumpy, slow, and full of smog. Supposedly it's quite easy to get pickpoocketed in one, but so far that hasn't happened to me.

And, while we're talking about food...

The national fast-food chain of the Philippines is called Jolibee.It's symbol is, indeed, a jolly bee.

I don't really get the wisdom of choosing a bee. Aren't children afraid of bees? Though I suppose children are afraid of mice too.

Is it any good? Not really. But don't tell the Filipinos that. They're very proud of their own version of Macdonald's.

The one great advantage is that they sell fresh pineapple juice along with the usual soft drinks.

Getting Malled

If there's one thing Filipinos love, it's shopping malls. In this regard they almost rival New Jersey.

Even though the Philippines is a relatively poor country, the fact that they've been open to foreign corporations for so long (and they haven't had any of those pesky socialist revolutions) means that most chains available in the US are present here too.

By far the biggest are the Ayala Center and SM City, but there are literally dozens of smaller malls around the city, including E-mall, JY Square, Mango Square, ParkMall, and on and on. Many of them provide not just shops and restaurants but arcades, movie theaters, gyms, apartments, office space, conference rooms, schools, and the occasional car dealership.

In fact, the Filipinos love there malls so much, they practically try to live in them. Most now even offer Sunday Mass services in improbable locations.

I once joked to a Filipino friend of mine 'I guess the Filipino dream would be to live on a spaceship.@ He thought for a moment and replied 'Yes, but only if it has aircon''

But for me, they provide something even more important: air-conditioning and bookstores. The only real drawback is that these malls are often prowled by packs of transsexuals who are looking for ignorant foreigners to prey on. May lightning strike me if I'm kidding about that. Ask any foreigner who's been here.

Manos a la Obra

So, I finally got a job.

It's at a Korean school in Talamban. The hours are a little more intense than I'm used to - five hours a day Monday-Friday, which isn't bad at all, but the school requires I show up at 8AM every day even though my first class isn't until 11.

My one class, repeated five times, is Speaking - always the weak point of the Asian English-language student. Reading, writing, and grammar are fine, but when it comes to expressing their ideas in English it's usually a struggle.

My classes are quite small - only one to three students - but the students are nice enough. Most of them are planning to go to the US, Canada or Australia at the end of the summer, so that's motivation enough for them.

Also, lunch is included - Korean food of course, which isn't my favorite, but it tastes alot better because it's free.

Cebu on a Stick

Okay, now to really important matters: how is the food in the Philippines?

Art, music, architecture, climate, mannerisms - all of these have their place, but really, what can compare for sheer weight (no pun intended) with the cuisine of a place? A man is what he eats, after all.

There's a reason Philippine cuisine has yet to take the world by storm the way Chinese, Thai, or any number of other Asian cuisines have; it's kind of boring. It's mostly meat stews over rice or fish or meat grilled over coals. Tasty enough, but not anything to really excite people. The emphasis on meat and the lack of creative vegetables exclude the health-conscious, and the lack of spiciness leaves out all the people who so gratefully dig into Thai or Indian curries.

Absent is the ginger, lemongrass, coconut milk, star anise and chilies which are so prevalent in the rest of southeast Asia. There are a few dishes which I find interesting enough to make myself, but the emphasis on heartiness over vivid flavors isn't really my style.

There is also the propensity to grill absolutely everything and serve it on a stick - even things that one cannot possibly eat on a stick, such as small fish replete with bones and scales.

For dessert their favorites seem to be leche flan (the Spanish answer to creme caramel), halo-halo (an inelegant but refreshing mix of fruits, gelatin, and ice cream) and banana Q, which is basically a banana coated in sugar then caramelized over a fire.

Also the ketchup is made of bananas, but honestly I wouldn't have known if they hadn't told me - it looks and tastes the same.