My Run-In With Hugo Chavez

Last Friday evening, as I was preparing to leave the COPA office, I ran into a gaggle of girls talking excitedly and exchanging cell-phone information. One of them grabbed my arm:

¨Noah. Come with us. We´re going to see Hugo Chavez.¨

¨What?¨

¨He´s speaking at the Estadio Ferrocarrile in Barrio Caballito, and we´d feel safer if there was a guy.¨

¨If you think one nearsighted gringo will protect you from 50.000 riled Argentines, be my guest.¨

¨I said it´d ake us feel safer, boludo. Just come, you´ll never get this chance again.¨

So I went. The stadium was packed to the rafters, though a few police cars outside and scaffolding around the stage were the only apparent nods to security.

I never actually saw Chavez, but you could hear him from three blocks away. His speech was...different from any speech I can remember a politician givig. Maybe because it was a two-houre speech and I only stayed for the first half hour, but it seemed to lack any coherent structure such as a beggining, middle or end (or at least a beggining and middle). The most common themes were Bush-bashing and Latin American unity. Viz:

¨Bush doesnt smell like sulphur anymore. He smells like a political corpse.¨

And

¨The Northern Cowboy says we´re all sons of Washington and Bolivar. I know I´m a son of Bolivar, but he´s a son of a bitch!¨

And

¨They want ´íntegration´, but I call for union!¨

And

¨They want our oil, our water, our land. Over my dead body.¨

The Bush-bashing is fairly obvious; it´s a crowd-pleaser almost everywhere, especially if you happen to really hate the guy as Chavez does.

The union stuff, though, was the dream of Chavez´s hero, Simon Bolivar, who unsuccessfully sought to unite South America into one world power, rather like Nasser tried to do in the Middle East. Chavez hasalready spoken of Nasser admiringly, and he hardly ever stops talking about Bolivar. We´ll see.

Argentina - First Impressions

So I´ve been in Argentina for two weeks now. Like people told me, Buenos Aires really is a middle-class, European style city. However, three differences struck me very quickly:

1. Poverty

I live in recoleta, by far one of the nicer areas of town. Very nearby is the Avenida Sante Fe, full of higher-end shops of every description. Most of those shops don´t put their trash in dumpsters, they leave them on the sidewalk for people to come and rifle through them. The trash-diggers are generally young, well-dressed, good looking, and do most of their work in the daytime. This is considered more or less a legitimate job.

2. Labor

Back when Peron was in power, he relied on the unions for support and they responded in kind. Since then, the tendency to strike and demonstrate has been very strong. Yesterday, i headed over the cultural center only to find that it was closed because the janitors were inside tearing all the paper apart and banging on drums.

3. Banks

Not suprisingly, the financial crisis of 2001 has resulted in a rather suspicious relationship between the banks and the general public. The banks are only open five hours a day during the week, from 10 AM to 3 PM, and they usually limit how much money you can take out at one time. Even the seemingly small sum of AR $600 (about 200 USD) is considered big enough to be untouchable later in the day when most of the cash is gone. Plus, most stores give a pretty significant discount (usually about 10%) if you use cash instead of credit.

I Was Right About That

The new 'conservative Daily Show' isn't funny.

"Not funny' is an understatement. I laugh at their pathetic attempts at humor. It's like the worst ever episode of 'Weekend Update'. It's so bad, I think they're using a laugh track.

Some might say my political biases are clouding my perception. I dare you, whatever your inclinations, to watch this show and tell me it's even mildly amusing.

St. Valentine's Day

Over the mountains
And over the waves,
Under the fountains
And under the graves,

Under floods that are deepest,
Which Neptune obey
Over rocks which are the steepest,
Love will find out the way.

Where there is no place
For the glow-worm to lie,
Where there is no space
For receipt of a fly.

Where the gnat dares not venture,
Lest herself fast she lay,
But if Love comes, he will enter,
And will find out the way.

You may esteem him
A child for his might,
Or you may deem him
A coward from his flight.

But if she, whom Love doth honor,
Be concealed from the day
Set a thousand guards upon her,
Love will find out the way.

Some think to lose him
By having him confined
Some do suppose him,
Poor thing, to be blind.

But if ne'er so close ye wall him,
Do the best that you may,
Blind Love, if so ye call him,
Will find out his way.

You may train the eagle
To stoop to your fist.
You may train the regal
Phoenix of the east.

The lioness, you may move her
To give o'er her prey;
But you'll ne'er stop a lover;
He will find out his way.

It used to be that Valentine's Day was celebrated by having young men and women put their names in a hat, draw them out at random, and enjoy the festivities with whomever they chose. Some traditions are too good to last.

Why Are Jews So Funny?

By the question, I don't mean to ask why so many Jews have become comedians, or why humor is important to Jewish life as a defense mechanism against millenia of oppression blah blah blah.

Rather, I should like to know why the mere presence of a Jewish character, or any reference to Judaism at all, is a cause for merriment. is it the Yiddish? Our enormous noses? The way we manipulate the media and entertainment industries to make us look harmless?

Think of a movie - almost any movie will do - and make the characters Jewish. Are you chuckling already? the laziest comic hack do it; i.e. 'Rocky' (Oy! Adrian!), 'The Godfather' (Make him an offer he can't refuse - half-price tickets to Florida) or 'Dirty Harry' (So go ahead and make my day, already).

My rabbi confessed ignorance of this matter herself, although she did not "Borat was funny, especially in his comically exaggerated prejudice against Jews. But would it have been as good if he had an irrational fear of Hindus or Buddhists or something? No, because Hindus and Buddhists aren't funny and Jews are, though I couldn't tell you why."

I remember in the long ago days of 'The Critic', starring Jon Lovitz, there was a fake promo for a movie starring Arnold Schwarzaneggar going undercover as a rabbi:

Mugger: [holding a gun] Eat lead, Rabbi.
Arnold: [pulls out a bigger gun] Sorry, that's not kosher.

Or, even more so, I remember some crappy sitcom in which the boss is wishing the office a Merry Christmas:

Boss: Merry Christmas, everyone! Oh, and happy Hanukkah to you, Persky.
Persky: Thank you, sir. [audience laughs]

Ha ha! That guy, he's a Jew! Instant comedy.

I recognize this is not an issue of great social import, but I am curious.